But It's For My Family

Warning – this is going to be a very personal blog entry, but one I think that will hit home for most who read it…so I do hope my sharing is helpful. I wrote this entry a little while ago, but never published it because I thought it was too personal. But now that my friend, Michel Fortin has shared what has been going on with him over the past while…I felt brave to actually publish this entry.

Michel was a great friend to me during my separation from my husband. We supported each other and we really needed each other while I made the decision to leave my husband and Michel was suffering in an unhappy marriage. Michel and I don’t chit-chat as much as we used to, but he was so important to me in a time when I really needed him. I think we needed each other to make it through the rough spots. I’m so happy for him and Sylvie – they make an incredible pair. I have only known Michel for 1 year and this is the first-time that I can see pictures of him truly and completely happy and satisfied with his life.

I decided to leave my husband last year because I decided I wasn’t happy and hadn’t been happy for a long time. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I felt certain about my decision to go it alone.

Months went by and I became a much better and happier person. I “found myself” again. Over the years of having children and an Internet business, I let myself go. We mothers know what it’s like. We gain some weight, we stop doing our hair and well…we just stop taking care of ourselves. I started to reverse that and I reclaimed my social life again. Business was great and I was no longer a slave to my computer. I was like a real person again and I was so happy.

And then it hit me.

Why was I unhappy at this time last year? What did it really have to do with my marriage? The not taking care of myself, lack of social life and working too much were all my own doing. They were completely separate from my marriage. No, my marriage wasn’t perfect…but was I such a fool that I thought the imperfections couldn’t be fixed and some I could just let slide? After all, nobody is perfect and why should we strive to be in anything we do.

Well, the end result was that I made the stupidest decision I’d ever made. I was so unhappy last year and something had to give. I just assumed it was my marriage. I was working hard on a business, being the best mom I could be and I just gave up on a vow I’d made 8 years earlier.

So, when I decided to leave last October and I began my journey in rediscovering myself and finding out that I can be happy. And really, I discovered that I can have everything I wanted in life. But something was missing. Once I cleared all the “clutter” and unhappiness in my life, I realized that I was still in love with my husband and that had I run away like a coward. And here’s the part that I want you to reflect on:

I blame my business, in large part, for my poor judgment.

I’m only 3 ½ years into running my business and it’s going incredibly well, but it has been extremely hard work. What started out as my attempt to help my family, consumed me and that left time for me to be mom and business owner – not much else. It truly became a focal point in my life and it killed everything else about my life that I once loved.

I know I’m not the only one who has been consumed by their businesses and let their relationships suffer. I saw a thread on a forum where a bunch of guys were complaining that their wives were nagging them about being on the computer too much. The guys didn’t understand what their wives' problems were when they were “doing it for the family.”

I’ve seen threads on a forum where a bunch of women were talking about their work hours. Most of them said they work after the kids go to sleep and they continue to work long after their husbands go to bed. Yet, they also say they are doing it for their families…but really, it’s tearing their families apart. Our spouses have the right to feel “connected” too us and when we’re too busy “doing it for the family” and ignoring their needs, our families suffer.

I was guilty of this too, but I will no longer be controlled by my business and I will not allow my family to suffer because I work from home. That is large part of why I created my semi-retirement plan that guides my business now.

Last October, I made a really stupid decision that I will regret for the rest of my life. Please don’t make the same mistake as me. If you see yourself on the path of letting your business overshadow your marriage and ultimately, your entire family - just stop right now. Turn of that computer and go hug and kiss your spouse…and please, never let go.

Z…you are the love of my life and I’m so thankful every day that you had the courage to give me another chance. Here’s to a beautiful lifetime together.